We're facebook friends in real life
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize