he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How naked do you want me to be?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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