So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
