i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
