Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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