Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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