When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
