So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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