you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
