He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
