he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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