I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
