saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love you. Go after that dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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