Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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