Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
