her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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