just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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