all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
