i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
