Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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