she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
