Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
