you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
