Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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