It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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