Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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