I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
