wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
