She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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