I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
