My nipple is on Facebook.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
