why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
