So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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