I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
