So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
