so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
