Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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