This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
