Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize