cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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