i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
