I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
