how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
