He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
