She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
