I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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