yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
