YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize