when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
