at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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