so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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