Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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