if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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