there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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