I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
