I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
