The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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