Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
