I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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