it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
