He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
