I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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