he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
