When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
