I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
