I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
