I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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