So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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