So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
