he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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