I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The air taste purple.
Randomize
