walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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