I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
