I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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