dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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