Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
