did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize