You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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