If i come over, it means nothing
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize