Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
