It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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