It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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