i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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