First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
