I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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