Life is so much better after having sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize