Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So much Jack, so little girl.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize