Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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