I love black thongs
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
