So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
