I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The struggles of a small town man whore
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
