yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
