Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
