I want to walk on stilts...naked
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
