were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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