my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
