omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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