Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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