i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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