i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize