My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
