as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
