Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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