If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
