I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
