I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
