Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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